becoming sandy
Sharing what I am learning, unlearning and relearning as I navigate my way through a midlife unraveling and awakening, becoming the woman I was meant to be all along.
My son Gabriel has an appointment with a therapist tomorrow to talk about gender dysphoria and how it has and continues to affect him. According to the American Psychiatric Association, "Gender dysphoria refers to the psychological distress that results from an incongruence between one’s sex (assigned at birth) and one’s gender identity." If he’s nervous, I’m nervous-er. I'm not just nervous, though. I'm hopeful. This is one major step he’ll take towards living the life he believes that he was always intended to live. I’ve witnessed this child of mine struggle with self hate and body image issues for the past several years. When he first came out as transgender, I was scared. I was worried about what others would think and how they would treat him. I was so scared that I asked him not to add the label. At school at the time, he experimented with names and asked to be called Lucas. I was faintly aware of his desired name, but didn’t pay much heed and never used it. We continued to use she/her pronouns at home and called him Gaby. He acquiesced. That was 3 years ago. Over the next three years, as he continued to grow and develop, as adolescents do. He grew more and more disgusted by his own body. He told us often how much he hated certain parts of his body, specifically the feminine ones. He imagined horrific ways to end his emotional pain, which included everything from self harm to suicide. Sometimes, he seemed ok on the outside, though, so on the occasions that he verbalized these feelings to me, I dismissed them as typical teen angst and self-loathing. What the HELL? I sought counsel from friends and family, and then chose to trust and believe what I wanted to believe, unfortunately at the expense of my own son. I am grateful that he was patient with me. I am thankful that Gabriel did not give up on my, God, but even more importantly, on himself and his life.
We have officially waited almost 3 months for this appointment, due to the mental health crisis that our country is enduring with limited access to mental health professionals. Unofficially, Gabriel has waited his entire life, so the couple of months that we have waited for this appointment have flown by for him. Would you say a little prayer for my kid? Or, if well wishes are more your thing, we’ll take whatever kind wishes, good vibes, encouragement or love you are willing to send our way! Thank you for your continuing kindness and love.
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About the AuthorSandy is a parent educator, enneagram aficionado, conscious parenting advocate, self trained and proclaimed home chef, and mother of 4 amazing kids. Archives
May 2022
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